Lies & Deceit
by ayannablack
Summary: She thought she had the perfect marriage,she was so blinded by love that she didn't realize the man she was with,was a cheating, lying, bastard. "Icouldn't stop crying I don't think I ever will,how do you stop loving the one person,you can't live without"
1. Chapter 1

**This is a remake & also a continuation of "why am I not good enough for you" by twilighthighqueenbee**

**Story summary**

**Since college Bella and Edward has been together, and they are now married. They have the perfect marriage or at least so Bella thought. In every perfect marriage, there are always problems. Bella and Edward were going strong until one day Edward hired a new secretary named Tanya. What happens when Edward starts having a secret affair behind Bella's back. And what happens when the truth comes out will Bella ever find it in her heart to forgive Edward? How will she survive knowing her husband has become a liar, cheater, unworthy, and most of all she cannot even trust him. What will she do? How will he answer her when she asks him the one question neither of them can answer? ("Will I ever be enough for you?") Ask Bella.**

**After taking the honor to rewrite this story, I have decided that I am going to change the name of the story to LIES & DECEIT. There will also be a lot of changes throughout the story I felt like queenbee has rushed through the story. I felt as if it was not fully mature so thus with her permission I will be making changes I see fit. I am continuing this story because it was a popular demand and I see potential.**


	2. Broken Promises

**First chapter, I hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think and if there is any grammar sorry it was in a rush. I just wanted it to get done for today, enjoy and I need a beta please inbox me if you're interested.**

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><p>Bella's POV<p>

My name is Bella Swan Cullen; and I am married to Edward Cullen. We met back in college I was an English major while Edward was studying business. I will never forget the time when we got married… (Sight) it was as if my life had final turned for the better. Until now, that is, reason being Edward is never home anymore I am always alone. I often wonder at times why he is always so busy and never seems to take time for me anymore...

"Good morning baby will you be home for dinner today" I asked Edward as he walked into the kitchen gathering his stuff for work.

"Of course, I am babe, I promise you and I am going to keep my promise." He said sounding annoyed then he added "I love you" he half smiled with a smile that did not even reach his eyes.

"I love you too …." My words fade as he hurried out of the house.

After Edward left I felt the tears filling up in my eyes when I got married to Edward I thought that we could settle and have a family, work, go on vacations. You know like normal young couples do but unfortunately, that didn't happen, (Sight) Edward works six days a week from 8 until sometimes 9 at nights. I, on the other hand am a writer. I majored in English in college to become both a teacher and a writer. Right now I am staying home, and for the 2 years, I have been married I have written poetries, short stories, and I am now writing my first book. Edward is the reason why I chose not to teach and instead stay home. As time goes by I'm, starting to regret not choosing to teach instead. It isn't too late, but right now I am dedicating my time to my first book. Being home gets mighty lonely; the only time I get to go out is with Rosalie and Alice; my two best friends. Rosalie real name is Rosalie Hales but being married to Edward's older brother she is known as Mrs. Cullen. Rose is like one of those girls on the front cover of Elle magazine, her body is like a victoria secret's model any man's desire. Long blond hair, long legs, curves in all the right places and the most attracting thing about her is the beauty mark on the right side of her upper lip which tends to drive men crazy whenever she talks with them.

Alice Cullen Edward's younger sister by a year. Alice is dating jasper, Rosalie twin brother they're not yet married, but I know he will soon pop the question. Alice is not like Rosalie. She is petite and short with short black spike hair. She reminds me of a little pixie. She is extraordinarily beautiful and genuinely caring. One thing anyone should know about Alice is that she is a shopaholic and a fashion fiend. I sometimes have to endure endless shopping with her to buy clothes I don't even need. I Bella Cullen find myself to highly desirable not that I am conceited, but I know I am beautiful I might not look like rose but I carry a beauty of my own.

Edward Pov

As the door to my house slammed I could hear Bella's voice saying "I love you too." I hurried to my V12 Vantage, Aston Martin's most exhilarating sports car. When I was in the driver's seat I rested my brief case on the back seat of the car. As I put the keys into the ignition I could feel the car come alive, something I would never get tired of hearing. I made a quick reverse out of my drive way and a fast U-turn and down the road I was headed. My drive to work was about a 30min drive for a regular driver that is, for me it's like 20mins. As I speed down the road my thoughts began to full up with Bella and why I was treating her the way I was. Bella always thinking that I'm the perfect husband. I am far from the perfect husband, I lie, and I'm cheating on her with my secretary Tanya. I told myself that when I got married to Bella my player ways would stop and I had planned on sticking to that. Until the day Tanya walked into my office and told me that she was hired to be my secretary, I could not believe my eyes when I saw the woman that stood before me long legs, strawberry blond hair, and her face and the way she moved was so seductive and alluring. Everything about being a one woman man went right out the window. I tried my best to stay away from Tanya; I would try to keep her busy so that we wouldn't run into each other. I kept telling myself that I had a wife a beautiful and an brilliant one too. Until one day Tanya came to work wearing fishnet stockings with a short black dress with rhinestones on the sleeves with black heels. I never thought she could look anymore sexier, yes I knew I should have sent her home because her dress was not proper, but I knew, she knew that I wanted her and she was letting me pay for not taking the first step. I certainly did pay because the boner she gave just walking around in that short dress that barely covered her tights made me turn in my seat. I was fed up with her trying to seduce me all the time, so when she entered my office that afternoon I could no longer help myself I had to take her right there and then and that's exactly what I did. She never complained and from then on we have been having an ongoing affair that my wife has no idea about and I hope she doesn't find out anytime soon. I know I sound truly horrible I tried stopping myself but its like Tanya controls me. Good news is that Tanya will be leaving in a month to Italy where she will be living for 2 years. When she leaves me and Bella can continue to live our life happily together and she will continue to see me as the perfect man that I am. "If only she knew what you were doing behind her back." My inner voice said to me, which is particularly true I wonder how she would judge me if she knew I was like that. I quickly shook that thought out my mind I would not want to know.

I parked my car in my reserve spot with my name on it and hurried to the elevator, I was going to be late if I didn't hurry. As I pressed the button for the 25th floor someone screamed out.

"HOLD IT" I looked to see that it was Emmett my older brother I immediately stopped the elevator door as he entered.

"Good morning Emmett" I said smiling at my brother

"What's up bro…?" Emmett was cut off when the elevator stop and in walked Tanya, I could feel the heat that covered my body, my body stiffened as she walked over next to me and said " Good morning Edward." With a seductive smile plastered on her face. She then realized Emmett "oh hi Emmett." Then the elevator door opened for the 5th floor where she got off and wave a bye to me and winked that almost drive me crazy. After Tanya had left the elevator was silent until...

"Edward I know it's none of my business, but why are you doing this to Bella? She is a damn good wife and every day after work you're leaving here with Tanya. When do you ever spend time with Bella? Edward your beginning to disappoint me; I just wish you would stop this shit, at least get a divorce if you want to be free and play around but don't hurt Bella Edward she is a lovely woman and I bet another man is out there waiting to give her what you are not capable of giving her and that's being faithful." Emmett said softly but I could see the anger in his eyes and hear the annoyance in his voice.

"I know Emmett and I will stop, I am going to stop, I just need time to decide what I truly want to do." I said seriously thinking as the elevator door opened and we both stepped out.

"Ha-ha Edward here is a pointer while you decide what you "really and truly want" think about this, Tanya only can give you sex, she is not wife material deep down I know you like her, you don't love her. Bella on the other hand I know you love her, even though you have a pretty messed up way of showing it. Remember one thing you never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will eventually leave you for the one they love."

"Thanks Emmett I don't know how I got myself in this mess." I said hoping he would cut me some slacks.

"I know how you did; you want to know why you're in this mess Edward? It's called self-control something you don't have. I have secretaries too but I know that no matter how hot they come to work looking my wife can put on that same outfit and look ten times better and that's why I marry her because I knew she was the ONE. I not trying to lecture you Edward but as the older brother I can only try to put you on the right part. Remember this you're going to regret this and remember I told so " He said not trying to sound mad but I can see that he was, who could actually blame him, everyone loved Bella and knew how devoted she was and I was just the cheating bastard that she had to put up with. After Emmett walk away I stepped into my office. Before I was even seated I heard Tanya's heels clicking down the hall way heading straight to my office.

"Hello Baby" she purred while walking over to my desk

"Hey honey" I said sounding like I didn't have any life in me which she seemed to notice

"Oh baby you seem down, I know how to make you better" she said leaning down where I could see her cleavage in my face which made every problem I had disappear…except one that's. "How is that baby?" I said smiling up at her knowing exactly what she was going to say. "How about you come over to my house tonight after work and I will show you exactly how?" she said as a question which seem more like a demand. Like the idiot I am of course I said "I would love that.", "Ok babes see you later." And with that she was turned on her heels and was out of my office. I was now excited I couldn't wait for the day to stop so I could get it on with her. The things I would do to her tonight. After sitting there fantasizing about what I was going to do to Tanya, Emmett Paged me letting me know that we had an urgent meeting and were needed a.s.a.p. I hurried off to the 10th floor where I spent the rest of my evening in a boring meeting with a new company who wanted to collaborate with ours and work on a new project. After the meeting I headed straight to my office and got my brief case then to Tanya house I was headed for.

Bella Pov

It was now after six and I was now waiting on Edward to get home. It has been a long day for me, I wrote three new chapters for my book and I cleaned the house spot less. After doing all that needs to be done around the house including the laundry. I started on dinner, at first I was a little puzzle by what I was I going to cook for dinner but then I decided on Edward's favorite meal Parmesan Encrusted Chicken Breasts With Roasted Pepper Sauce and spaghetti. I knew that he was going to love this. I had set the table with candlelight's, with a vanilla air freshener roaming throughout the room. Satisfied with what I did I sat patiently waiting around the table for Edward knowing that he would be home in less than twenty minutes. After dinner I was planning to have a warm bath together with Edward and then we would see where things would go from there wink wink. I smiled to myself as I thought about what would happen. It's been a while since we did anything like this. We don't get much time together and I often feel isolated, I just can't wait till he has enough time to spend it with me, I don't get it, he used to be home early, he never even wanted to go to work but lately he has been so far from this world I can't even remember the last we had sexual intercourse with each other. I think at times as if my marriage is tearing apart and I don't even know why, its driving me crazy I just seriously hope that its work he is extremely busy with and not something else or someone else. I hated having to think like that but what other solutions did I have. I trusted Edward I told myself, I don't think he would ever cheat on me. Therefore I pushed that thought out of my head and sat at the dinner table waiting for my husband to come.

Edward Pov

I was on my way home it was now eleven pm, I had just left Tanya's house just the saying of her name reminded me of the beautiful night we had, and it was rough. When I had arrived at Tanya's house she wasn't wearing much and let's just say after a few minutes neither Tanya or i wasn't wearing anything. As I arrived in my drive way, I noticed the light was on in the living room of my house, that was weird I thought to myself Bella would have normal been asleep my now. I said to myself as I parked my car, I walked up to the door and turned the lock.

Bella's Pov

I have been sitting here for over 4 hours now, I was pissed like hell Edward had not yet arrived and I was still sitting here thinking that he would soon arrived, I was making up excuse thinking that he was perhaps stuck in traffic, but every time I tried calling his phone it went straight to voicemail. Next thing I knew I heard the door knob turn and then in enter Edward, with a smile on his face that quickly disappeared into shock and disbelief.

"OH SHIT." He said looking all confuse like he suddenly remembers he had plans tonight.

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><p><strong>AN: First chapter was a rush but review and let me know what you think. I just wanted to get it up and IMPORTANT NOTE I NEED A BETA ASAP, THANK YOU.**


	3. Lies,and Excuses

**Okay guys second chapter, I hope you enjoy, I am still in need of a beta so please don't hesitate to let me know if you can, review and review. I truly appreciate it. Let me know if you like where this is going.**

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><p>Edward's Pov<p>

After opening the door to my home, I was hit by the beautiful scent of vanilla, then another smell hit me, it was the smell of food surfacing its way around the house, it smelled delicious suddenly my mouth watered longing to find out what this heavenly scent was. Instantly I started to make my way around to the dining area, maybe Bella had bought some new candles, I smiled to myself never in my life had I seen a woman so intrigued by candles and their scent. Making my way into the dining room I could see lights flickering, yes I said to myself, she bought candles, but that idea quickly disappeared out of my mind when I entered to arch door way to the entrance of the dining room. The sight before my eyes was not what I was expecting, I was surprise and soon everything came back to me, I had promised that I would be home for dinner tonight at 7 that was 4 hours ago.

"OH SHIT" those were the only words that escaped my lips, I suddenly felt guilty, not only was I cheating but I had I forgot the promise i had made to my wife that I would have been there tonight, to have dinner with her. The worst part was that she had went out of her way, to fix my favorite meal as I could have seen and smelled it from the door way. For the first time in my life I finally felt like that bastard Emmett says I am. I stood there I didn't know what to say, how could I possible make up a story saying I forgot, How could I justify not being here? I didn't know where to start, because I knew the only solution available was to lie; I was starting to think that, that is what I had become a liar, it seemed to me that's the only thing I can remember and it's how to lie, because it's all I have been doing since Tanya walked into my life. I was startled by Bella's voice that I jumped. "Edward, your very silent, what happened cat got you tongue?" She said it with so much fire and at that moment, I knew there would be no easy way out of this. What was I going to do?

Bella's POV

"OH SHIT!" He said looking all puzzle like he suddenly remembers he had plans tonight. I watch as he stood at the entrance of the dining room still, no words could describe the look on his face it was priceless. I watch as his eyes search the room, he stood there tense as if he didn't know the right words to say. He looked as if he was contemplating something in his mind, and now there and then I knew by the look on his face he was going to lie. Something he has been doing a lot lately but he thinks I'm foolish to believe every word he says, but I'm certainly not I just play along with him. I have my suspicions about him, I am not crazy I know something is up with him, but I didn't know exactly what and I am not the type to assume, so I would stop because I knew in due time the truth would come out. My mother always told me "whatever is in the dark must come to light." I always lived by that saying for I knew it was so. I was tired of watching him stand there like he was going to go crazy; it only angered me more, that after he stood me up, he had nothing to say but stand there and watch. "Edward, your very silent, what happened cat got you tongue?" when I said this he jumped slightly.

"Bella I'm so sor..." I stopped him by raising my finger in the air, that was the last thing I wanted to hear right now. "Don't even say you're sorry, I don't want to hear it from you. You're so pathetic that I ask you one night to come home at seven because I was making you dinner and you promise, then you show up here four hours later, saying you're sorry. Oh! Please save it for someone who gives a damn." I was now to the point of anger, I need answers I didn't need excuse I wanted answers. If I couldn't get answers he was going to get a piece of my damn mind. I am not a game; I am not someone who he thinks he can just play with. "Why don't you come and join me? We need to talk because I need some answers, I am sick of your lies." I said looking him straight in the eyes; he slowly made his way across the room, where he took a seat across from me. I watch him carefully never letting my gaze off him, I wanted him to feel fear, "how the hell do you forget a promise you made to the woman, you say you to love?" I asked him, "Bella I..." I immediately stop him, I was not yet ready for his explanation or his lies, a part of me knew I would be upset if I heard the truth, but then another part of me felt hurt not knowing it.

" Edward every morning before you leave I have your coffee ready for you, which doesn't even seem to make any sense for me to make it anymore because lately, you don't even drink it., I'm sitting here in the evenings, sometimes nights waiting for you. You're never home during the day; at night when you come home, you act as if your tired and I don't exist. Sometimes I wonder if its work you go all day and why you come home so late. You refuse to tell me, though, saying it's nothing, and I shouldn't have to worry about it, you make up excuse saying that work is busy, but I know it's a lie. I have my doubts though. I'm starting to wonder if I should worry, I wonder at times if work is so important and busy all the time that you never find time for me anymore. I'm starting to fear your absences and wonder if one day you just won't come home to me." I was breaking, I was holding it all in for too long, I was tired of it.

"Edward I'm worried about you and I'm worried about us. The days when you're gone seem to grow longer and longer. I find myself missing you more and more. If only there were some way to have you explain, but you refuse. My worries are ever growing and my fears last even after you come home. My mind is haunted me questions of your presence. What time will you be home? What's causing you to be so distant? Why am I always alone?" I was on the verge of tears because I genuinely love Edward and I don't want to lose him, but I feel as if that's exactly what was happening and I didn't know why. It confuses the hell out of me, but one thing I knew for sure was that it wasn't only work that was keeping him distracted.

"I'm afraid now to be alone because I don't want to face a day when you might not come home. I've tried a hundred times to talk to you but you never give me any answers. I'm afraid that I can't live like this anymore. If I were lacking sleep before then surely I am lacking even more now. My constant worries haunting me when I try to sleep, often keeping me up when I should be resting, it's only when you're there with me, I'm finally able to face myself in my dreams." The tears started to appear I couldn't keep them in any longer I wanted my Edward back.

"Edward I don't even remember what it feels like to have that rush of happiness. That day we stayed in bed all day watching movies and laughing. I miss that day and days like it but we don't have them anymore. I feel so used, its breaking me apart. My heart aches with longing to have you hold me in your arms and promise that you'll never leave. Promises like that though are ones that I haven't heard in years. The bad part is that when you make promises you're no good at keeping them, hence today for example. Edward what's going on please talk to me I want to know, and don't bother lying to me it's not worth it anymore, be honest for once. I can take the truth just not the lie please." I said with tears streaming down my face, I finally allowed myself to breathe; I sat there and watch as he took everything in, his face changing with conflicting emotions. Then he spoke,

"Bella I know that you don't want apologies but I am sorry, Bella I honestly am, I was wrong, Bella I didn't know how to say no, I couldn't stop myself…" i was now confuse, what did he mean? Why was he wrong? I nod my head for him to continue. "Bella I betrayed you, I'm nothing like the man you think I am, Bella I told myself that it was wrong, but then yet it felt so right, it started as first as a onetime thing but then I couldn't get enough I just kept going back." He said, I finally figured it out, I was surprise "Edward, we can get you fix, I don't know why would you even begin to take drugs but, I'm here with you, I'm disappointed…." I was cut off by him, "Bella I am not talking about drugs, at least at times I wish it was instead." He said shaking his head. "Then what is it?" I didn't want him to say it, I was dying inside, and the words that came out of his mouth next sent a shock through my whole body. "Bella I'm having an affair with another woman." I couldn't talk I was stunned, I couldn't register his words, no he wouldn't. I couldn't focus. "Bella speak to me, please." Was he actually talking to me, I closed my eyes and I waited and I waited, I was sure I would soon wake up and everything would be back to normal, this wasn't a dream, this had to be a nightmare, but I knew once I opened my eyes it would be gone. Wrong when I open my eyes there Edward sat directly across from me with tears in his eyes. Then it's like everything came back to me. "What did you say?" I said clenching my teeth, "I said… (Sight) I was having an affair with another woman." He finally done it, he had finally told me the truth and for once I wish it was a lie instead. "How long?" I asked, I couldn't find the right words to put together what I wanted say, I didn't know how I was supposed to, even react, I was still in shock.

"Over a year." He said, I couldn't believe my ears this man sitting across from me the one I married, had been cheating on me for over a year, and we've only been married for two years. My blood was boiling, this lying bastard. "Bella I need to know what you're thinking please, this is hard for me." that did it "YOU want to know what I thinking I am wondering why the hell did I marry a lying, cheating, untrustworthy, idiotic man. Then you are going to say its hard for you, you're the worst man a woman can ever get married to." I was angry, I was hysteric with tears, I mean how could he? I loved him, I gave him my all.

"Bella I am sorry, I really am." He said trying to look all truthful I was done falling for that shit. "Edward are you really sorry you cheated, or are you sorry that you got caught because right now you're trying to look all sad and sincere but in reality Edward, you're not? . You could've stopped yourself if you were sorry. You could've broken off you're little affair with Tanya. If you were truly sorry, then you wouldn't have continued to sleep with her anyway. You would've stopped sleeping with her after the first time it happened. But you didn't. You slept with her because you thought, 'Oh its okay. What she doesn't know won't hurt as much.' That's where you went wrong. Edward, the truth hurts but, your lies kill me." I couldn't do it anymore. I just wanted to get out; I couldn't look at him any longer. "GET OUT" I yelled pointing out the dining area towards the door.

"Bella wait let me explain." He said with shock. " I DON'T WANT NO EXPLANATION FROM YOU YOUR NOTHING BUT A LIAR , GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW." He reluctantly got up from around the table, and walked to the door, when he reach it; he turned and looked at me " GET OUT" I yelled, he hurried through the door and at that moment I felt as if my entire world had caved in on me. I didn't understand, where did I go wrong?

After all those times I've trusted him. After all the promises we made. All the things I told him. I just can't seem to understand! No, I wasn't dense, probably just in denial. I don't know where I went wrong, how could he do this to me? After all we've done, he had it in him to cheat on me? He just broke my heart like it wasn't much of a novelty for him. Now, everything just seems so wrong. I couldn't believe in this, I refuse to believe that all of this had happened. I mean, were speaking Edward here, he wouldn't have done this to me. He can't hurt me like this, he loves me. He told me, he promised! There must've been some sort of mistake, a glitch, anything! This was just impossible.

Somewhere; deep down though, I knew. I figured he would. All that's left to wonder about is how I knew it would end this way. He cheated on me, I should have seen it.

I laughed darkly to myself at the thought, "Love is blind."

In fact, I think I did see it. Maybe, I knew all along, but I just needed the confirmation; Evidence. I needed someone to tell me, I wasn't just being paranoid. Now, after my unconscious state, I was left heartbroken, crushed, betrayed. Nothing is ever going to be okay. I was the stupid little fool, while he wasn't worth it.

I loved him, but I expected it to end badly. From the mighty beginning I knew it would end badly, but I chose to ignore it. I knew that this was all too good to be true. There's no way this man, of all the guys I know, it was too perfect for him to actually love me. He can't love anyone, only himself. He wasn't worth the time I gave him, and he clearly isn't worth this pain I'm feeling.

I'll admit, I wish I had never loved him. I wish I never agreed to go out with him. But through it all, I felt so memorable. Like I was the only one, and always will be the only one. I felt like this love was real. Something, that was going to last. Like I said, love is blind. I knew what he was before our marriage, but I wanted to believe that he could truly love me. That I was the girl, that would keep him from playing the game. I wanted to believe that he could have real feelings for me and just me, but I guess that wasn't true and I doubt it ever will be. I couldn't stop crying I don't think I ever will, how do you stop loving the one person, you can't live without?

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, the more review I receive the faster I will update. Ideas are welcome.<strong>


	4. I AM BACK

**Okay Guys I am Back! and have made some changes as many of you will realize the last chapter has been deleted. Reason being it did not go according to how I wanted it to go. so instead of bringing an angry bella into the next chapter I came up with the idea of giving you guys a point of view from our cheating bastard edward. being that I took so long here is a small preview. **

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><p>what had i become? i was turning into this monster, the monster she hated and wouldnt forgive for ruining her life... but its better hers than mines.<p>

sincerely,

edward


	5. Edward POV of chapter 2

**OKAY ITS SHORT, BUT ITS HERE AND ITS NOT AT ITS BEST, GAMMAR ERROR… AND MORE.**

**I NEED A BETA IMMEDIATELY, THE FASTER I GET ONE THE FASTER I WILL UPDATE. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot and I only borrowing these character, just for a long train ride, in which they will return to Stephanie Meyers in one piece, I promise. **

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><p>She was angry; I knew it was only because she needed answers, answers I weren't quite sure if she was ready to hear… But apparently it seems as if it would be the only way to end her suspicions of what I was doing behind her back. I honestly did not want her to search anymore, I certainly did not want her finding these answers someplace else, I had owed this much to her. There was no way she was going to take what I was about to say slightly, but I had prepared myself for the worst, because prior to now I had already made up my mind on what I wanted, and sadly it was no longer her. I was tired of lying and pretending to care when I knew damn well I didn't. it was only fair that I told her, I mean the clues has been there all along, I just wasn't expecting her to wait so long to figure out that our marriage has been a disaster for the past year and I had lost interest.<p>

"Bella…" I began, " I know that you do not want my apologies, (sight)... but... I am sorry,

Bella I truly am, I... was wrong, Bella I didn't know how to say no, I

couldn't stop myself…" I was now confuse if I wanted her to know, I felt as if

I gave her a hint she would probably figure it out. But then again that was pointless ; I have been giving her hints all year long and she has been nothing but clueless. I know I may seem harsh, but it's the truth, how could she not see that I had lost interest in her. She should have realize the difference from when we first met to now, I don't even make love to her anymore, yes we have sex but sex is just sex. Seeing that she was never going to say anything I continued.

"Bella, I betrayed you, I'm nothing like the man you think I am, Bella I told myself that it was wrong, but then yet it felt so right, it started as first as a onetime thing but then I couldn't get enough I just kept going back." I said, it was true I didn't know I would become so addicted to Tanya, I felt as if she had become a drug to me and I couldn't stop myself. It was never in my intentions to hurt her, but she wanted to know and she had to. I didn't care if she saw me as a cheater, because she had already known what she was getting herself into from the very beginning. It was never like I tried to convince her as if I was another person, she knew about my player ways, but as I recalled when we first met she tried to convince herself that she could have changed me. But she failed to realize that it does not work that way, in order to change a person they have to want that for themselves. Yes I made a vow but… I clearly never remember making any promise to change my ways. Now… hopefully she can live up to her vows when she said, "for better or for worst." Because what I was about to tell her wasn't for the better but definitely the worst. I was trying to come forth with the best way to tell her that I was having an affair, but…

"Edward, we can get you fix, I don't know why would you even begin to take drugs but, I'm here with you, I'm disappointed…." I was shock that she thought I was implying about drugs, a part of me believe that she only said drugs because she hope for it to be so, even though she knew the true. I could have seen it in her eyes she knew what I meant. Instead of making her guess or suppress herself into more denial I told her, "Bella... I am not talking about drugs, at least at times I wish it was instead." I said shaking my head. I might not have loved her anymore like I once did, but at the same time I did not want to see her cry.

"Then what is it?" She asked me, and I knew even though she wasn't asking she did not really want to know. But I said it anyway.

"Bella I'm having an affair with another woman." Her face expression changed from anger, to betrayal, disgust, and the worst hate. She looked speechless.

Finally I thought looked like cat got her tongue. ( _You heartless son of a _

_bitch_) said the voice inside my head.

I was tired of her silence it was irritating me. So I spoke up. "Bella speak to me, please." She closed her eyes as if she was waiting for someone to wake her up out of a dream or what I would call it for her precisely a... Nightmare. I guess reality finally found its way back into her head, because she finally spoke.

"What did you say?" She asked through clenched teeth. I was really getting annoyed with her acting stupid. Slowly and surely she was beginning to prove me right, I had nothing to be sorry for.

"I said… (Sight) I was having an affair with another woman." I guess she finally heard me because the next question wasn't as remedial as the others. "How long?" She asked, I didn't quite believe that was the question or the phrase she was looking for, but... Viewing from her expression she was still in shock.

"Merely over a year." I told her, she looked up at me with anger, yet speechless. She fumbled with her fingers. I knew if I didn't say something _again_ like always, she wasn't going to. "Bella I need to know what you're thinking please, this is hard for me." I guess I finally push the explode button. "YOU! Want to know what I am thinking? "She jabbed at her chest." I am wondering why the hell did I marry a lying, cheating, and untrustworthy, idiotic man. Then you are going to say it's hard for YOU, you're the worst man a woman can ever get married to." She was angry, furious and yet hysteric with tears. Way to make a man feel bad about himself. See this is what I don't get with women, they always want to know the truth, but yet again they can't handle it. Why the hell do you ask in the first place?

"Bella I am sorry, I really am." I said, honestly I didn't even know if I was, yes.. I am sorry I betrayed her, but... I am still not exactly sure I am sorry I cheated. "Edward are you really sorry you cheated? Or are you sorry that you got caught? Because right now you're trying to look all sad and sincere but in reality Edward, you're not? . You could've stopped yourself if you were sorry. You could've broken off you're little affair. If you were truly sorry, then you wouldn't have continued to sleep with her anyway. You would've stopped sleeping with her after the first time it happened. But you didn't. You slept with her because you thought, 'Oh its okay. What she doesn't know won't hurt as much.' That's where you went wrong. Edward, the truth hurts but, your lies kill me."

She was right everything she was saying and a part of me didn't care, a part of me wanted to because I knew she was hurt but I couldn't find the will to care.

"GET OUT" she yelled pointing out the dining area towards the door. Hell, I would lie if I say I wasn't stunned by her tone of voice, she does not often yells. Except in the bedroom that is, but I would more like to say she screams. As much as I didn't care, I always loved acting so I at least had to pretend to care.

"Bella? Wait… let me explain." I said.

" I DON'T WANT NO EXPLANATION FROM YOU YOUR NOTHING BUT A LIAR , GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW." I reluctantly got up from around the table, and walked to the door, when I got to the door. I turned and looked back at her, hoping she would see some kind of remorse in me. Even though I knew there wasn't. But... I was a pretty good actor. " GET OUT" she yelled, I hurried through the door and at that moment I knew she was more than angry with me.

I stood with my back against the door, a part of me felt relief that she knew, and it was no longer a secret. I walked away from the door to my car; I got in the driver's seat and hit my head against the steering wheel and breathe. I started the ignition to the car and reverse out of the drive way. I made a swift U-turn and rolled down my windows and away from the house I was headed. I knew where I was headed now and I knew what I had to do. I hope Bella would be able to move on with her life, and I really hope she didn't create any chaos after this point. Who knows maybe she will be able to realize that I did not purposely try to hurt her.

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><p><strong>OKAY! HOPE YOU LIKE IT, IT WAS VERY SHORT, MERELY BECAUSE I TOOK SO LONG I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU GUYS SOMETHING TO WORK WITH. <strong>

**THANKS FOR ALL YOUR PATIENTS, BELIEVE ME I TRYING TO WORK MY WAY BACK INTO THIS STORY, BUT I HAVE A CLEAR VIEW OF WHERE I AM GOING WITH IT. IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG RIDE. EDWARD IS SUCH A BASTERD, I HATE HIM, (DON'T YOU GUYS AGREE?) BUT WHO KNOWS MAYBE HE CAN WORK HIS WAY BACK INTO MY HEART.**


	6. Facing the Truth

**THANKS TO MY WONDERFUL REVIEWERS YOUR IDEAS HAVE BEEN HELPFUL. ONE THING I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ASKING IF THIS WILL BE A BELLA AND EDWARD STORY AND YES IT IS, I WOULDN'T LIKE IT ANY OTHER WAY EVEN THOUGH EDWARD IS A JERK AND DOESN'T DESERVE HER IN THIS. ONCE AGAIN THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT. I REALLY DESPERATELY NEED A BETA PLEASE CONTACT ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BETA MY STORY.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, I am only borrowing them for my own selfish reason, but I do promise to give them back.**

**poll opened on site, please vote because you the reader will decide the outcome of this story.**

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><p>I couldn't believe that bastard, I had spent three and a half years of my life with this man and only to find out that; Two out of those three and a half years, that we've been married, that fucking scum bag has spent an entire year out of our marriage cheating on me.<p>

I mean seriously was I boring? To say I'm OK is an understatement; I can't believe Edward did this to me. I had loved him with everything I had; I gave him all, body, mine, heart, and soul. In return, he betrayed me and pushes me aside.

The pain I was feeling, was like nothing I had ever felt before. I can't even begin to explain it. My mother always warned me that it wasn't a good feeling, I used to laugh. (Sight) but now I knew what it felt like. It was nothing like what I read in those romance novels, reading it and feeling it was totally different. My life felt as if it was coming to an end. How could he hurt me like this?

Where did I go wrong? I wasn't perfect, but... Who is, I did my best, I made sure he was comfortable. (_No he wasn't or, else he wouldn't have betrayed you_). The voice inside my head was right. I knew I said I wanted answers from him but...

He told me that we would be together forever, what happened to forever? "NO!" I screamed this can't be, Edward couldn't do this to me. I started shaking my head trying to convince myself. "WHY!" I scream, I was no longer crying I was now bawling my eyes out my body began growing weaker. I tried to help myself out of the chair and my body fell to the floor. My body ache, my heart felt as if someone was stomping at it. How did I let him do this to me?

I was young; his words were like a drug to me everything he told me I believed. I was naïve. When he told me I was the one, and no one else had ever made him feel the way I did. I believed him.

The tears couldn't end no matter how much I wanted them to. They just kept flowing, how did he do it? How could he tell me that he love me when he knew it was a lie? All a long he loved another. Did he even love her? (_You mean did he love you?) _"Get out of my head!" I screamed.

Was I some kind of a joke to him? I rose from the floor making my way to the stairs, my legs were tired, my body felt drained. I slowly made my way up to the guest room, there was no way I could sleep in the bedroom, and too much memories of him would be there, his scent, clothes, and pictures of us. I cried even more just thinking about the word us. I stumble onto the bed and wrapped myself into the blanket, I was numb I couldn't begin to understand why this was happening to me. I did everything for him, I cooked, cleaned, and I even stayed home because he asked me to. What did I do wrong? That's what I can't seem to understand, I've done everything a woman is supposed to do and more, and he then turns around and betrays me. The tears couldn't stop flowing, and I didn't even think they would stop.

The man I thought I would be with all my life has told me, he is seeing another. The fucked up part about it is that he didn't even looked like he cared. How do I tell our friends and family that we're no longer together?

What was I supposed to do from this point here on? So many questions; And no one to answer them. My Edward had betrayed me. "NO... NO no no no!" I screamed and yelled. He did not, not my Edward. (You sound pathetic, WAKE UP! Because he did) my heart aches even more. My head was spinning, heart pounding I couldn't handle it, I was becoming weaker and weaker I cried, cried and cried my eyes out until I felt into a restless sleep.

I was woken by the sunlight shining through the window and my phone ringing. Even though I didn't have the energy I reached over on the night stand and grab the phone. Looking at the caller id I realize it was Rosalie, I wasn't willing to talk, but I knew it had to happen sometime but I didn't want it to be right now. I answered it anyway "hello?" I said with my voice raspy, I knew then that she would figure out that something was wrong. "Hey Bella, you sound down, what's going on with you?" She asked fearfully concerned. "Rose... Edward is…" she quickly cut me off. "What's wrong with Edward? Bella is he okay?" She asked concern even more now; I laugh darkly "oh Edward is just fine." I said I was the one who wasn't. "What's wrong Bella?" she said confused. "Rose…." I said taking a deep breath "Edward is hardly home anymore, and now he is telling me has to go away for a while." I blurted out, with tear streaming down my face, I know I lied but I couldn't tell her, at least not yet. I needed more answers. I cried silently trying to catch my breath. "Oh; well when he gets back, you guys can take a vacation together?" She asked. "Ha-ha! Oh… rose I guess so, but maybe when he gets back I won't need a vacation." I sight, it didn't pay to be sarcastic right now.

"Someone's cranky?" She asked and I could hear the amusement in her voice. I would normally reply to that, but there was no time for fun or games. "Rose?... I got to go. "I clicked the line before she could reply.

After putting down the phone I tried getting up off the bed, but my body fell back to bed, I didn't have the energy to get up, but I knew I had to because I had plans for today. After I spoke to rose I realize that it was only time before everyone found out.

I couldn't sit here and blame myself for Edward's selfish act. I am not going to be one of those woman, who acts like a fool and take him back. As much as it hurts, I was not going to let him feel as if he had got the better of me. I need to clean up myself, I needed more answers and this son of a bitch was going to give them to me. It has been awhile since I made an appearance to Edwards's job, I think it's due time I remind him that I'm no fucking mute.

I got out of the bed and I made my way to the bathroom, as soon as I caught myself in the mirror, I had to look deeply, my face was drained, my eyes puffy and my lips were dry. I licked them and I could feel the cracks from being dry. I turned on the shower to the warm water. I then started removing my clothing. When I was fully undress, I step into the shower, the water felt relaxing as it hit my bare skin, my body relax, as the water ran down my body, a stifled sob escape my lips, I quickly resist it, I didn't have time to cry right now, I hurried with the shower. When I stepped out I could feel the mist from the shower wrapped around my body. I was happy for the steam because it fogged up the mirrors and I wasn't able to look at myself, and at this time I didn't want to. I made my way to my bedroom; I decided that I was going to have a little fun with this, since I was so deadly to Edward, I was going to clean up and show him what he has been missing, not that it mattered anyway.

I wanted to show him that, I wasn't going to sit home and sob because he has decided I wasn't god enough for him anymore, I walked over to my closet where I retrieved a Strapless lace dress with gold lining and shirred sides with a sweetheart neck. I had bought this dress to wear on our anniversary in three months, but since I will no longer have one, why not wear it to pay him a visit.

When I was done putting on the dress, I was happy with the way it hugged by every curves, I then put on my black and gold heels which increase my height, perfect I thought. All was left was my hair, I decided that I was going to leave it in its curly state; I would just add some foam to it, to give it a shining glow. I didn't put too much make-up on just a little to hide the puffiness around my eyes, and some eyeliner to bring out my eyes, and light pink lip stick, with a dab of clear lip gloss. When I turned and looked in the full length mirror, I was glowing, I was happy with myself. I felt a new form of confidence. I was ready to see the devil, who had made me into the monster I was about to become.

I slowly made my way down the stairs, where I gathered my purse off the coffee table, and out the door I headed.

When I stepped outside the chilly morning breeze hit me, it felt so satisfying, something I haven't felt in a while. I made my way over to my car, which was a Mercedes Benz, something that Edward had gotten me when we first got married, I had a car, but he said it was too old, so he had gotten me a new one. I reminded myself that after today I would go and trade it in because I was not about to drive around into something he had bought me. I started up the car and reverse out of the drive way onto the street, I made a U-turn and down the road I was headed, I was usually a slow driver but I was anxious, I wanted so badly to get this over with. My mind was filled with so many different thoughts I didn't know how I was going to handle it, but I knew I had to find away somehow. In twenty-five minutes I was pulled into the parking lot at Edwards job, I was searching for parking when I realize that Emmett spot was empty. I wasn't in the mood to keep looking and I knew Emmett wouldn't mind.

I am I turned my car right around and park my car right there. I wouldn't like any stranger stealing his spot, might as well keep it safe for him. I laugh aloud to myself. I turned off the engine and exited the car, then made my way to the employees elevator, I was still his wife I was still entitled to certain privileges and until we divorce I would use every bit of it, because if nothing Edward ever did, one thing for I sure I knew and it was that he was going to suffer and pay.

I tapped my heels as I waited for the elevator to stop, when it came to a sudden stop I realize I had arrived on the 25th floor I straightened my dress and breathe. I made my way out of the elevator and straight down the hall I was headed. I remember this place so much; this was where I used to come when Edward and I used to have lunch every day, until a year ago that is, until he decided to fuck some other woman. I could feel my anger coming back; I was now angry and pissed. I was becoming immensely impatient; to see him, it felt as if his office was too far away. The clicking of my heels alert many people in their cubicles, they started looking out, looking me up and down, I kept my head high and walk my way toward his office, I was on a mission and I was going to get it accomplish. I smiled to myself at the thought. When I finally reached Edward's door, I knock, I heard shuffling of papers and footsteps coming closer.

Then the door opened "Tanya I…" he was shocked his face drop, his eyes raked up and down my body, he looked disbelieve as if he had seen a ghost. "Bella" he choked out. "Good morning Edward, I can see you weren't expecting me, I know, I am sorry I didn't call to tell you I was coming." I said with a sarcastic tone.

He had no words he just stared; I could feel the eyes on my back of people watching. "Bella… what are you doing here?" he asked bitterly, I didn't give a damn I was now raging, he had the courage to ask me why I was there, okay I wanted to do this nicely but I can see that he wanted a show. "Ha-ha, you're asking what I am doing here Edward? Are you fucking serious, not just twenty-four hours ago I found out, your fucking someone else and then you ask what I am doing here?. Okay since you don't know why I am here let me tell, I am here because I want answers, you son of a bitch, I gave you my all and then you ripped my heart into pieces as if I wasn't anything to you, you're a selfish bastard. Everything you put me through, Hurts me so bad now, And the pain won't fade away so now I have to live with it every day. I can't believe you would do this, after you told me you loved me, And I thought it was true, But I guess you lied. Edward did you really love me?" I was so angry, I couldn't explain it. Theanswer that came out of his mouth shocked the hell out of me, I swear if I wasn't hurt and broken before, now I sure as hell was.

"Bella… I loved you but I wasn't in love with you." He said so straightforward as if I had meant nothing to him, I wanted to cry so badly but I held back the tears, I couldn't let him to see me cry, I wasn't going to allow it. "Oh! Edward… I hate you, but I hate myself more for loving you the way I did, I fooled myself into thinking that you were mine and mines only, you played me Edward, I fell for your lies and games, Ha-ha you got me, you sure as hell did. I was such a fool. BUT! I am done being that fool, I am no longer your puppet, you won't have to lie to me anymore, I would tell you that your free to go, but I realize you have already moved on, it's time for me to do the same. And remember this "Heaven hath no rage like a love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned" .You're a woman's scorn, I pray for the next woman who ends up with, one day you're going to receive a dose of your own medicine and might be too late when you realize, the cure will be long gone." I was cut off by the most annoying voice ever.

"Edward, honey, I brought your coffee" She whined and I understand it was Tanya; I turned on my heels to face her. Not before I saw Edward face turned into fear. That's when I put one and two together and realize my husband was fucking his secretary Tanya.

"Oh, hi miss Cullen." She said with her eyes looking every else but at me, " well hello Tanya, I would appreciate it, if you didn't call me that son of a bitch name, take a walk with me into Edwards office." she hesitated but followed me, Edward made a step back and allowed us to past. Edward closed the door behind him. "I am not here to sit here and discuss anything. I just wish you two the best. I can't fucking believe the you two..." Edward cut me off

"Bella, really are you serious? Why the fuck did you come here? We are done I thought I made it clear last night. You think you can come here and beg me to come back to you?" He said, I couldn't believe him what did I ever see in him.

"Yes Bella he doesn't like, I mean like want you." Tanya said, I was in shock

"Tanya, keep out of this!" Edward told her. "Like seriously Edward she is getting on my nerve." That did it, this bitch and asshole.

"BITCH, I want YOU! To say like one more fucking time, just say it, I won't fight you for fucking my husband, but get smart with me and you will know something. And You." I said pointing at Edward. " Why the fuck would I come here to beg for YOU, Ha-ha; you fucking dick head, you think I would want you back, Edward I HATE YOU!, you are not the man I see myself planning the rest of my life with. You and this bitch can both go to hell. Edward I need a DIVORCE."

I was so angry and furious and I turned to walk out...

"I guess this means that I've won." Tanya said I turned around, to see a smile on her I face I then smiled back at her "It depends on what you've won. You are no different from me Tanya remember that and he will do the same to you. It's all a game to him, but I won't be the one to tell you, I rather let him show you. And Edward my lawyers will call you. "

I said as I laugh a loud and headed my way, I felt relieved, but hurt, but I knew I had let go a part of me and, I didn't know how I was going to go on. As I made my way into the elevator, the tears started to come, and this time I didn't keep them back I allowed them to.

As I step out of the elevator, I saw Emmett inspecting my car. He was probably wondering who took his spot. I quickly wipe away my tears and walk towards him.

"Hey Emmett," I said.

"Hey there Bella, Can you believe someone took my spot?" he said looking in disbelief.

"Sorry Emmett, that someone would have to be me," I chuckle slightly.

" Oh!, I didn't even recognize this was yours, it has been a while since I saw you here at Edwards job." He said studying my face.

"Yes I Know, I had some business to take care of." I said not sure if I should tell him.

"Here? In This Building?" he ask while pointing at our surrounding.

"Yes, apparently Edward, your brother Edward has been having an affair with his secretary Tanya." I said, but as soon as the words left my mouth a questioned appeared in my mind. And the look on Emmett face wasn't an expression of shock and that was when I knew something wasn't right.

"Emmett, you work here right?" I asked

"Yes Bella, that's a stupid question to ask, you know I do." He said while rubbing his hands together.

"Your right Emmett, I have another question and after I ask it tell me if it's a stupid question, Ok!" I said studying him more than before.

"s-ure" he said looking around everywhere else but at me.

"Did You Know That Edward Was Fucking His Secretary Tanya?" I asked

"Um-um…. Bella… He…. I… Um…" he couldn't get his word out, he didn't know how to explain and I knew he knew, because they both worked in the same building and he had to have seen something between them, because apparently they weren't discreet.

"I guess that wasn't a stupid question after all," I laugh darkly. I push passed him and walked to my car, I got into the passenger seat and reverse, I watch him as I pulled out of the parking lot looking lost and sorry, and at least someone looked sincere and apologetic.

I drove as fast as I could I wanted to get away from here, away from my friends and family. I didn't know where I was going but I knew it wasn't the place I once called home.

As I drove questioned flowed through my mind. How many people around me knew that this was going on? Did Alice and Rosalie know? Why wasn't I good enough for him? What was wrong with me? (_nothing is wrong with you, and you need to be a woman and stand strong, because if you keep whining and crying like baby. You're only going to prove him right."_ Your right I couldn't let Edward feel as if he controlled me, just because he moved on didn't mean I had to stop living. I am a woman and I will not let some unworthy good for nothing bring me down. (_saying it and doing it, that's two different thing.) _Shut the fuck up, I am going to be my own boss from now on, it's time to love me. (_now that's more like it)_.

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><p><strong>THANKS FOR READING, AGAIN THIS IS SOELY A EDWARD AND BELLA STORY. should i make bella pregnant with edwards child? I update base on the feed back i receive. that being said aren't you guys proud of Bella, i know i am. Edward is pissing me off, but everyone learns from there mistake right? well sometimes.<strong>


	7. Promising Lies

**IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I HAVE UPLOADED BUT I DO PROMISE TO BE MORE CONSISTENT WITH IT THIS TIME AROUND, IT HAS REALLY BEEN A LOT GOING ON IN MY LIFE, BUT I AM BACK.**

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><p>I pulled into the parking lot of the La Mystique Brescia hotel, after hours of driving around in what essentially seemed to be a circle. I realize that I was not going to get anywhere, if I continued. My body was tired and it has been over a day since I last had a meal or even food for that before, so I was weak and tired in one. This was precisely what I needed after what I have been through today. I thought sarcastically.<p>

I entered the lobby of the hotel, it was a beautiful sight before my eyes, and I would say the highlight of my day. There was a waterfall (cascade) in the middle of the lobby with a fountain rising from the middle. The colors were very eccentric and the lighting was beautiful. I knew by the looks of the chandeliers it cost millions, because they were glowing and well detailed. It was hard to take my eyes off the beautiful decorations around me.

Sadly I was brought back to reality by the concierge, "Hello, Good

Evening, How Can I help you today?" He asked, I was so caught up in the beauty

Of the hotel that I didn't realize he was talking to me.

"Good afternoon Miss?"

"Oh, I am sorry," I said giving him an apologetic smile.

"That's okay, how can I help you today?" He asked politely with a small smile

"I would like a one bedroom suite, with a great view of the city." I told him

"How long are you planning on staying?" He asked.

I wasn't exactly sure, but I knew a day wasn't going to be enough.

"Um... A week." I said that should be enough time to sort some things out.

"Ok, your total is ... 1,360.95. How will you be paying for this?" He said with

An even wider smile than before.

"A visa credit card." I said looking straight at him. I handed him my card and told him all the necessary information he needed to know

"Ok Mrs. Cullen, (I cringed at the sounding of the name) you will be on 11th floor room 1119, while you enjoy your stay here with us, I would like to fill you in on the specials we are having for this week." I just stood there nodding away waiting for this man to finish off; I tried to be as polite as I could.

"Would you like someone to take your luggage up to your room Mrs. Cullen?" he asked

"What luggage?" I smirk and sauntered away.

I step into the elevator and press the eleventh floor, few stop later and I was on

my floor. As I step off the elevator I look towards my right checking the numbers to see which way to go, realizing the numbers were going down I knew I was headed in the right direction, it didn't take too long for me to find room 1119. I quickly slide the key into the door that I was given and opened the door.

My eyes wondered over to the bedroom window as I walked into the room. I slammed the door behind me, though it wasn't on purpose. I walked over and fell upon my bed, tears streaming down my rosy red cheeks. When did my life get so screwed up?

I'm not sure where it started really or why. Everything just seemed to be slowly falling apart and finally, more recently, everything just collapsed leaving nothing left. Now I'm not sure what to do in order to go about rebuilding, or even cleaning up the mess. The disaster just seems to be getting bigger and bigger and it's getting so hard to control.

They say nothing lasts forever, well I guess now I can see. Nothing in this world is strong enough to hold on through everything and anything that comes its way. So eventually it will have to break apart and crumble until it is nothing but a pile of shattered pieces along the ground. If only I had understood this sooner, maybe I could have done something to stop it, to fix it. If I really think about it though, I wonder if I really could have done anything. Would it really have been so easy, even if I had known?

Somewhere inside I know that there was little to nothing that I could have done to stop or to change this. I had to try and remember that it wasn't my fault. None of this was my fault, even if it felt like it was sometimes. I knew it wasn't, though sometimes it was hard to say that and believe it. It's the truth though and inside I know that sometimes it's just a little hard to believe.

As I looked up from my pillow, the evening sky was approaching. I began to wonder how long I had been lying here crying. It felt like time wasn't passing fast enough so I couldn't bring myself to look at the clock. The nagging of the time remained in my mind like an alarm and eventually I gave in to look at the bedside clock. It had been almost half an hour, I was actually surprised. It hadn't felt like time had gone anywhere. I guess it had moved forward. Maybe I was just lost in my thoughts again.

I sat up slowly with a small sigh. I wiped away my tears before looking back to the window. My eyes closed and I prayed to god for help. I needed help; I couldn't do this all alone anymore. I wasn't sure if I believed in god or not, but if he was there I really could use his help. So I prayed, with all my heart and soul I prayed for help, for knowledge to know what to do. I just didn't know what to do.

My eyes slowly opened and I ended the prayer with an amen. I wasn't sure what kind of answer I would get, or if I even would get an answer at all but I still had to try. At this point, god was my last hope. Who else could I turn too? My family was of no help, mother and I were always fighting, my friends just wouldn't understand and of course they would be on his side, they would more look to comfort him and seeing that Emmett knew about this I wouldn't be surprise if they all knew, they are probably laughing at me right not. And even if they didn't I did not want to be I did not wish to be bombarded with questions and tiny details from my friends which is what I knew was going to happened it I spoke to them. I didn't want to deal with that. I guess I would just have to wait for it to blow over, and father was just as helpful as a blade of dead glass. He wouldn't know what to do if I asked him for help. Yes, I am being serious.

So I had nowhere, no one else to turn too. I didn't think that I would get a very direct answer from god, but maybe something, anything would help. That's what I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe in him and that he would help me. I just hoped that's all I needed.

My entire relationship with Edward was just based on promising lies. I remember when he gave me twelve red roses, eleven real and one fake. With them he said, "_I will love you until the last one dies_". Of course, since one is fake, the last one can never die. So being the naïve young girl I was, I believed and hoped for it to be true, atleast until now I know the truth.

His feelings for me had faded and he found he wanted someone new. He promised to love me until the last rose died, but it never did. Only his love went away. Maybe he still love, just his feelings changed I thought.

I tried to hold back the tears that desperately tried to break free of my hold. I wanted to be strong; I wanted to pretend that I wasn't hurting inside. I had been a fool to fall for such a boy. They say love is blind though and yes, I had been very, very blind to everything. Looking back everything was so obvious. His true feelings for her were clear as day. I had just been too in love to see it. I didn't want to see it.

Even now, I am still in denial I don't know if I can move on from this. After all the pain he put me through I was still in love with him. My feelings were still strong without any sign of hesitation or fading. I wanted to forget him though. I wanted my memories of him, or them together, to simply fade away. I wasn't so lucky though I feared. The memories were clear and still just as painful.

He had used me but I didn't understand why. He had been so good to me. His act was perfect. Why did he throw it all away? I didn't understand what I had done wrong. I wanted to know, I wanted to change what I did but I knew deep in my heart that this was not my fault. Or atleast that is what I want to believe. It had been his choice. He chose to hurt me without a care towards my feelings. I had nothing to do with it. What he did to me was his choice, not anyone else's. No one could make him do anything he didn't want too and I knew that no one had tried.

A few tears ran down my cheeks smearing the little make up I wore. I couldn't be strong when I was alone. The silence made it so hard not to think about all the hurt. The silence is what brought upon the tears and the pain and hurt and the suffering. I couldn't make the pain fade, I didn't know how.

Moving closer to the pillow I buried my head in my knees crying. I could no longer stop the uncontrollable tears from falling anymore. I wanted to, but I couldn't bring myself to. This time I wasn't strong enough, the feelings were just too overwhelming for me. I wasn't strong or perfect enough to stop the tears.

This time was different. This time the breakup made me feel like I was dying inside. It felt like my heart was being ripped to pieces into some sort of physical emotional pain that I couldn't quite yet control or even begin to understand.

The level of the pain drove my inside but when I was alone I let all the pain out. A sort of healing for me, the tears I tried to hold back was the medication and the time was the effect. With each new tear would let a little pain fade away and when I could not cry anymore I would calm down slowly only to notice the effect. The pain for now was dim and now able to be ignored.

The pain came back though every time just has horribly painful as before. The pain never went away completely though I begged the lord that it would soon. I couldn't take this anymore, of that I was definitely sure.


	8. Breathe, Heal, Leave

**This is pretty much short, but this chapter needed to be by its self. Next Chapter is going to jump a week or two ahead.**

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><p>I knew that I needed to move on; I could not possibly sit around and think about what ifs. I can't deny the pain I am feeling, it is difficult to bounce back into my daily living and be normal again. How the hell can I just pretend everything is okay when in fact my life is disappearing before my eyes? I knew I needed time to heal but there was no way in hell I was going to get any source of closure in this town, seeing the same people who have betrayed me. "Bella you don't know that for sure." That was true but there is only one way to find out. I stretch across the side table and reached for my phone. I mean honestly Rosalie could have not possibly known about this, could she? I am sure she would've told me. As I dialed her number I put the phone to my ears and listen as it rang, after three rings she picked up. "Hi, Bella." she said in her usual calm voice. I sight and began<p>

"Hi Rose, how are you today?" I asked as eager as I was to find out what I was up against I knew I had to stay calm.

"I'm good just finishing up some work, and you?" she questioned

"I'm not very well, and that is why I called you, I need your honesty Rosalie, I desperately need to hear the truth for once." I said, trying to make sense of my own words. "Of course, Bella, what are you talking about? You're scaring me here." She said confused and frightened. At that point I knew she didn't have any idea or if she did she was a pretty good actor like Edward is. "Rosalie, I was betrayed in the most humiliating way I could ever imagine. The man I called my husband has been sleeping with another woman for the past year…" she cut me off "Bella, are you serious…" I cut her off before she could continue

"Rose let me finish, Edward has been sleeping with is secretary, he is very well proud of himself for it too. He has no remorse whatsoever. Rose I am hurt, the man I love has degraded me and my intelligence." I said tears falling, how one could possibly recover from something like this. "Bella, I am lost for words." she said sounding upset

"Rose, so you're telling me you did not know?" I asked

"Bella, are you fucking kidding I would never know such thing and keep that away from you no matter how much I love Edward, you're like a sister to me." She said sounding hurt "I am sorry Rose I just thought since Emmett knew…" I was cut off yet again

"WHAT! Bella do not tell me Emmett knew about this, that son of a bitch and he even kept it from me?" she screamed into the phone.

"Rosalie I am not calling you to cause a problem into your relationship, I just wanted to know how truthful of a friend you were to me because it's hardly likeably for me to trust anyone anymore." I said truthfully "Bella, I can see that Edward has hurt you, but Bella I would never ever do anything that would hurt you, I would never even think about keeping a secret that severe from you." she said and I could hear nothing but sincerity in her voice. "I know that now Rose and I am sorry." I said

"I know Bella and as for Emmett he is going to be fucking sorry he ever kept this a secret, there is no proper excuse to keep something like this away from me, I don't give shit about brotherly bond." She stated with hatred in her voice "Rose, its okay this is between Edward and I." I said not wanting to create a problem in their marriage

"Bella, I agree but this is now between Emmett and me also, you sound hurt and I know you are, shit you sound stronger that I would if I found something like this out." She said "Rose I have to try my best to be strong because right now my mind is not in the right place, I am hurt and Rose I hate him, Rose I did not know the man I love could be such a monster, we slept in the same bed while he was fucking another woman, he disrespected me in front of her Rose. I am an emotional wreck; I guess I was too caught up in fairytale fantasies." I said as the tears streamed down my face, I keep telling myself I needed to be strong. "Oh Bella, I wish I could do something, anything. I have never seen you like this, its breaking my heart." She said

"It's fine, I will call you later." I said and hanged up before she could react the last think I needed was anyone's sympathy. Edward had hardened me in a way that only constant disappointment could achieve. And now I was left cold and barren, distrusting and miserable. He had ruined me. He had taken everything from me that had mattered. He had destroyed my ability to love.

**Rose Pov**

The Bella I just spoke with was not the Bella I met in college, Strong. That was the million dollar word that summed her up entirely. she was strong, she was courageous; she was someone who looked like she could handle anything thrown her way with nothing but a few well-chosen words and that unnerving steely glare she had perfected. I'm not talking about physical strength either (though she had plenty of that too); I'm talking about emotional strength. The kind of strength you feel, not see. The kind of strength you learn. I was in disbelief, and utterly surprise how could Edward do this to Bella, and worse how could Emmett betray me like this? I was his wife for god sake; I don't give shit if Edward is his brother. I abruptly stop what it was that I was doing, I cannot really blame Bella for hanging up on me but I needed to see Edward this instant that son of a bitch had some explaining to do and Emmett would not even know what hit him.

**Bella POV**

I looked at myself in the mirror, the tears that had trickled down my cheeks, partially engraved on my pale skin. I didn't wipe them away; it would only waste my time. I knew that in a matter of seconds, tears would continue to flow from my dark brown eyes down my face continuously until I sucked up the courage to stop. I would try to convince myself that his words weren't damaging, that the insults he threw my way; like a thousand jagged knives didn't slightly penetrate the surface. In reality, his words left more than just a scratch or a bruise; they left a lasting pain in my heart that ached every time he expressed his feelings once more. I didn't know why I was still affected. I knew the exact phrases he would utter and how they made me feel. I knew what to expect yet the pain never subsided. Instead, it remained fresh and permanent as if an old wound was being opened and closed repetitively never given proper time to heal. I knew I had to move on, I couldn't no longer sit down and cry; crying was not going to make my situation any better than it has been. I knew what I had to do. I had to leave this place and walk away and that is what I was going to do, I was going to get the healing that I needed but not in this town. I just needed to summon up the courage to walk away.


	9. Frozen Goodbye, Pieces of you

**thanks for the reviews, i really appreciate it. and excuse any grammatical errors.**

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><p>Ed POV<p>

It has been a week since my fight with Bella, she has not called me or text which I am somewhat great full for or so I would like to think. Lately I have been thinking that I have made the worst decision in my entire life. For the first time since over two weeks I pulled into my drive way. Something about the house seems strange like it has been abandon. But that couldn't possibly be? Bella had nowhere to go that fast. I mean after thinking back to everything I did, I was a total asshole. Before I could open the door I was greeted with an angry and pissed off voice.

"There you are, you son of a bitch." Damn, what did I do now I thought as I turned around to face a very pissed off Rosalie.

"What is it Rosalie?" I asked very pissed off I knew what I did and I did not want everyone coming at for me for it.

"How dear you ask me what it is. You hurt Bella and humiliate her and have the nerve to ask me what is it? Have you lost your fucking mind?" she asked with a murderous expression on her face.

"Rosalie, I think you have this all wrong and you need to calm down." I stated

"The fuck you mean I have this all wrong and need to calm down, Edward I always knew you for being an ass but I believed for once that you could change, Bella was nothing but innocent, she loved and cared for you like no other woman and you betrayed her like THAT." She screamed

"Rosalie did you ever think that she wasn't enough." I asked

"Edward what is enough? Some low class skank of a whore secretary? Is that enough? Edward you fucking pathetic." She said laughing

"Where is Bella by the way?" I asked, nothing really sure if I wanted to know the answer

"Well lucky for you, Bella has moved away to Florida….." I cut her off

"What the fuck did you just say?" I asked I was in disbelief, realization kicked in for the first time and I realize I had really lost her.

"Wait a minute Edward did you expect her to sit around and wait for you to come to your senses? "She asked in disbelief

"She didn't even say goodbye." I said feeling hurt

"You are fucking pathetic did you know that? You hurt Bella, disrespect her took what every dignity she had left and now you want to play the victim card, you are woman's scorn. You're fucking sick. You need help." She said fuming.

I sighted I knew I was wrong, and every night has been sleepless for me. Maybe I could talk to Rosalie

"I left her but something about her still rests within my mind. She seems to haunt me; her words still clear in my mind, the memory, like a constant nagging in the back of my mind. Her words and her face, I can't seem to forget. All the words she said to me that day, the hurt look across her face." I stated and then sight

"Edward, you should be haunted, she has been nothing but well to you and didn't have the decency to let her go before you cheat, you humiliated her. _"And as for the constant nagging in the back of your mind" _that your conscience telling you how much off an asshole you were to her." She yelled, each word ripping its way into my flesh.

"Rosalie, I'm not sure what I was thinking of why I did it. I wanted to move on and find someone who could give me what I wanted. I wasn't looking for something serious like she was. I don't understand why she would want something like that. I guess I never really cared to understand either for I never tried to make sense of it."

"For Christ sake, Edward you asked her to marry you and that didn't occur to you that it was serious? Edward you need help, I thought you were retarded, but you're fucking mental." she said shaking her head. I could feel my pride slipping away with each word she spoke, and the pain taking over.

"Instead of staying I just left without a care to her at all. I thought she would get over quickly but I guess her feelings were stronger than that. Was she actually in love with me or is it the fact that I was just her first love? Does the first cut really hurt the worst as they say or did she really feel something more than I had believed?"

"Edward please, stop talking because you're acting like an uneducated motherfucker right now. How do ask if she was actually in love with you? Are you listening to yourself? Edward if you want sympathy you're no going to get it from me." She said matter-of-factly

Maybe if I explain myself to her she will understand,

"Right now I'm not sure what to think or what to do. Should I go back and apologize or just leave her alone to move on. She'll get over me eventually right and I'll get over her. That's how it works isn't it? We just get over it all and move on with our lives. That's how I've always done things. This is the first time I've felt that's not quite the case. This time feels like everything is wrong and incorrect. I feel so confused, more than I ever have before. Is this normal? I can't be sure. I try to play out life normally, but I've found it keeps getting harder. I keep remembering her words and the face she game that that day. It's like a haunting I can't escape, like an alarm I can't turn off, like a movie that keeps on playing. I just wish it would stop. Like driving me mad, I can't take it anymore. At this rate it's going to drive me insane."

I ran my fingers through my hair and looked to the side as I did. I was thinking of her too much again. Her memory was like a ghost haunting me and my every move, watching me and reminding me of how much I hurt her.

"Why can't I just forget about her? Why am I unable to put her in the back of my mind as I have so many times before? What makes her so different? After all this time I should have been able to forget about her. I shouldn't be worrying about it any longer. It's been far too long. I should be over her by now. What does it matter, she's not supposed to mean this much. I didn't have any real feelings for her, did I? No! I didn't. I'm sure of that. At least I used to be. Now I'm just trying to figure out what's going on. She never used to mean so much to me. Her feelings didn't matter, she didn't matter but now she's all I think about. She's like a nightmare I can't get over. I can't seem to erase her memory from my mind, from my heart. She shouldn't mean anything to me. She doesn't matter so why am I haunted like this? She should be just like any other girl. She is just like any other girl, so why isn't this turning out like it has so many times before? I don't understand what's so different this time. I wasn't serious about her but she's still all I think about, all I dream about. I can't move on and find someone else this way. For as long as I think and dream about her I can't find someone else, someone who will give me what I want. I can't move past her though. Many times now I have considered calling her over to speak with her but I stop in hesitation, almost in fear of what may happen. What if this only gets worse? What if she makes this worse? What if I ended up going back with her again? No, I don't want that. I'm looking to move on and find someone else, someone who isn't like her but I can't. It's not that easy anymore and I don't understand why. When did everything change so much and become so horribly confusing? So difficult,"

Rose POV

I looked at the man standing before me in disbelief; Edward was just a baby he had not grown up yet. I couldn't believe him. He left Bella because he is afraid of loving? I didn't understand this. I wanted to hate him but he needed help. Some serious help at that.

"Edward, you need help. You're telling me you cheated on your wife because you loved her too much. Edward you are really mental. And as for Bella getting back together with you that's a lost cause. You hurt Edward and I don't think you understand the extent of how much you have hurted her. Edward the pain you have put that woman through is none that I can relate or even come to understand. So as for forgiveness, you better off planning your funeral, because I am sure that is the only time Bella would want to see and that is dead. Edward she hates you, she despise you. You have turned sweet Bella into a viper; she speaks of you with nothing but venom in her voice. Edward you fucked up big time, I really hope Tanya was worth it." I said shaking my head.

Edward POV

Her words cut through me like a sword; I wonder if that's how Bella felt. I was hurt and didn't know how to speak or comprehend what just happened.

"Edward Bella sent me something and told me to give it to you. She needs peace that's all I can say." She said as she pulled an envelope out of her bag and handed to me. She walked out of my driveway disappearing through the gate.

I held the envelope in my hand scared of what might be in there; I had yet to receive the divorce papers, in fear of them being in there I slowly tear the envelope open. But what I saw was far worse than divorce papers.

_Dear Edward,_

_ It doesn't matter what I do or whatever I saw. All I can think about is you. I'm not sure if what I feel are regrets or something else. I'm not sure what to do or how to feel. I wish I could forget about you and all the pain you put me through. Our time together was like nothing I had ever been through before. I loved you, but now I just want to move on. Your memory keeps me held down though. I can't move forward nor can I move on. I can't do anything because all I still think and dream about is you. I lay here in the night and wonder if I ruined us. I post regrets of how I said okay. I hold so many regrets. I gave you everything and you took it all away and left. You left me with nothing in the end. You promised me that you wouldn't hurt me, that we would be together forever. I thought you meant forever, not just a short while until you decided you wanted to move on. I believed that you were serious. How could you betray me? I trusted you with everything. Now I learn that I was just a fool who should have never agreed. You were nothing more than a liar. You did this all on purpose. You used me and I let you. If you had stayed what more pain would you have caused me? Would I even still be living or would my heart have died? Would I be broken and shattered by now because of you? It doesn't matter, you still hold me within your grasp and I don't know how to escape. I'm not sure what to do in order to get away from you and your hold. I just want to move on, without you but your presence still lingers here around me, haunting me like a ghost of my past. Is that what you are now? A ghost that feels it must haunt me, taunt me. This shouldn't hurt this much. I should be glad that you're gone, not be wondering when you'll come and take me back. I want to move on and I've tried to but you haunt every corner of my mind every day. No matter who I see or whatever I try you're always there watching me. What do I have to do in order to move on? Answer me that if nothing else. Give me an answer so I can move on forward without you by my side. I want to find someone else, someone who cares and won't hurt me like you did. I just want to find my freedom, the freedom I used to have and hold, the freedom to do what I want without having to worry about someone else floating around in the forefront of my mind, watching me, stalking me. Just leave me be, let me go, I beg of you. Just set me free so that I may move on without you. I want to find happiness. I want real happiness with someone I won't be hurt by. I want to be with someone who isn't anything like you. So you have to let me go otherwise I'll never be able to move on, continue on. Why didn't you take this presence of you with you when you left? Why did you leave this piece of yourself with me, within my heart and my mind? Why didn't you take it with you? Did you want me to suffer with your memory? Why couldn't you have just taken it all back when you left? Why would you have wanted me to suffer like this? I don't understand your reasoning behind it all. Did I do something to you that made you hate? If I did I'm sorry, but please just come and take your memories back from me. Leave me, my heart, mind, and spirit in peace. I beg of you to come and take back what you left so that I may move on, for real this time. Just set me free from his hold, from this cage you put me within. That's all I'm asking of you. Then we both can move on. We can forget each other and never see one another again. We won't have to remember each other. Everything will change and we'll be just fine. We can both find happiness, but you have to let me go! That's all I ask._

_Sincerely, Isabella_

I was lost for words; behind the letters were divorce papers. I was furious and hurt, how did I let this happen. Crumbling up the envelope to throw it away I felt something sharp and hard inside. When I pulled it out I had to lean against the door frame to hold me up.

A pregnancy test, it was positive


End file.
